04 Feb Sex and the Single Christian
I wasted no time getting to this subject because the power of the penis is real and some of us are still working through our deliverance. Before you read further, I must state that this particular post is geared towards women who are engaging in sex outside of marriage (or have engaged and are still dealing with emotional damage) and need to live by a specific set of standards in order to come to a place of true contentment and peace.
I live in reality. Reality shows me that there are a number of Christian Singles who are engaging in sex and don’t feel bad about it. However, something is clearly going on in their emotional space because they are jumping from man to man. The guilt may not be there, but the aroma of sin is attracting men who will plunder what was created to be a treasure. I will address this in Part 2 of this topic at a later date (yes Ma’am, I will.)
Many of us who have grown up in the church have been taught to pray the desires away because we have learned to be ashamed about how sexual desires make you feel. Some of you just want the desires to go away altogether so that you can function in your singleness. I get it. I have had several occasions where I have literally taken my loins for a walk at 4:00 a.m. and had a talk with Jesus.
It would be easier and pleasurable to give in rather than be obedient. We don’t stop to think about the consequences of our disobedience and how it affects every area of our life. I know couples who are dating, saved, serving in the church and bump and grind on the daily. They think they are hiding it, but their anointing is disrupted by the chaos of sin. You look and you wonder, is it really worth it?
So, what do you do? Let me just break this thing down for you. I love sex, but I love God more. I have learned that there is certain music I can’t listen to because it gets my hormones in a tizzy and the fantasies start. When I do go on a date, we need to do dinner or a movie before 9:00 p.m. because there is just something about the later hours that raises up some things in my spirit. Cutie pie needs to drop me off at the door…no, he cannot come in, especially if I’m attracted to him. He and I will both end up slain on the couch and it won’t be because of the Holy Ghost anointing. Chile, please.
The desires are real, I get it. I know some of you are reading this and thinking, “Girllll, I don’t think I can date and not have sex.”
Yes you can. You just don’t want to.
Let me ask you something, when you were dating and having sex..how did that work out for you? I’ll wait.
*gets up to get a snack while you ponder the truth*
Exactly! It didn’t! You think you love him because of how he made you feel so you end up in a relationship based on sexual experiences rather than a relationship blessed by God’s grace (oooh, that was good! That’s a word right there!)
You got what your flesh desired, but not what your heart needed. You end up feeling rejected, alone and broken. You can’t pray right, can barely worship on Sundays, can’t focus during Bible Study and end up at the altar asking Jesus to forgive you (cryin’ and snotin’) and you promise to do right…until the next time.
Until you deal with the matters of your heart, there will always be a next time. There will always be another one. Until your heart understands that you are worth more, until your heart understands that your body is holy and sacred and until your heart understands that Godliness is attractive, you won’t keep your legs closed. *insert slow blink here*
There should be a covering while dating; meaning that even if you two never get married, he can still present you before God without a spot, blemish or broken heart because he respected your desire to do things right.
We all want to be adored, loved, caressed and held. I know it’s rough going to bed without feeling someone next to you, but do you know how many women have someone next to them and they are still lonely?
This journey of purity can be a tough one, but it will be well worth it in the end. Rejection will no longer be able to take root and your future will no longer be compromised. If you have fallen, it’s not too late for you to get up. You must first repent and then let him go. And I’m not delusional, I know it will be hard to let him go. You will miss the attention, late night calls and text messages. You will miss the companionship, but you have to remember that what felt good to you isn’t always good for you.
So, how do you avoid going back to what smells good, tastes good and feels good? (Don’t look at me like that. You know it’s the truth.) I’m so glad you asked!
- Forgive yourself: Repent wholeheartedly and never let others remind you of what you were doing and who you were doing it with; you are allowed to change.
- Learn how to be alone: There is a difference in being lonely and being alone. Many single folks have not mastered the art of being alone and enjoying their own company. On the other hand, loneliness often leads you to people and situations that aren’t healthy–always pay attention to the red flags, you are seeing them for a reason.
- Surround yourself with individuals who are like minded and aren’t afraid to hold you accountable.
- Be honest with yourself and ask some tough questions: What is it about you that attracts the same type of person that isn’t good for you; what aroma are you giving off (desperation, loneliness, manipulation…) Dig deep (look for a post about this in the future.)
- When you start dating, set boundaries and don’t compromise. Don’t ever place yourself in a position where you find yourself testing those boundaries. You may make it through date #1 sitting on his lap, but by date #2 you will be straddling him (I’m just saying.)
- Let Romans 12:1-2 be your guide “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
This post is definitely in need of a Part 2 and I will delve a little deeper. In the meantime, I pray that you ponder over my words and that you feel released to be obedient. If you have a question you want to ask and remain anonymous, be sure to post on the “Ask Maia” page and I will respond live every Thursday.
Know that I love you!
From my heart to yours,