02 Mar The Wilderness of Rejection
There is nothing worse than feeling like no one loves you, wants you, needs you or likes you. You can literally feel your heart breaking into tiny pieces when you start questioning your worth…trust me, I know because I have been there and every once in a while rejection tries to creep up and do a sneak attack.
My ex-husband left when our daughter was 6 weeks old. Not only did I have to deal with the emotions of being left, but I also had to deal with the emotions that came along with finding out that he hadn’t been faithful (I will post about healing from infidelity later.)
Levels of rejection vary from one person to another and honeyyy, when I tell you I had LEVELS, chile…I had LEVELS, you hear me? My first level was brokenness, my second level was depression and my third level included thoughts of suicide. Regardless of what causes rejection it will affect your relationship with God, your family and every other interpersonal relationship you are involved in.
I can spot individuals dealing with rejection miles away because they move in a spirit of control and manipulation. They are often bitter, some isolate themselves from people, some are critical and judge others harshly. Others overcompensate so that they feel accepted.
Rejection doesn’t just appear; a seed has been planted at some point in your life and more often than not, it takes just one situation that allows that seed to take root and grow. In order for you to be free from rejection, you must first identify the situation that planted the seed so that you can cut it at the root. If you don’t deal with rejection at the root, you will find yourself wandering in a wilderness of rejection. If you feel like you are in a wilderness, take heart because even in the wilderness there is always a way out.
I attended a Cleansing Stream Retreat while I was going through my Divorce. These retreats are always intense but when you leave, you feel like weights have been lifted off of you. I went to the retreat expecting nothing, but asking God for everything (does that make sense?)
I wanted..no, I needed to be free from all of the pain that I was feeling. I was tired of battling with depression and suicidal thoughts. Why was this divorce affecting me like this? Where was all this brokenness stemming from? I asked God to show me so that I could deal with it. Sometimes it takes you being exhausted to find the strength to conquer those things that are breaking you.
For those of you that don’t know, I have THEEEE best parents in the world. They openly share that they separated twice early on in their marriage, but they eventually got it together and will be happily married for 43 years this December (won’t God do it?)
The seed of rejection was planted in my childhood. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a Daddy’s girl. So I need to be clear that I am not blaming my rejection issues on my Dad. Because I am a Daddy’s girl, even though he left to get himself together (he didn’t leave me–there’s a difference) that was my first experience of having a man that I love…leave. Make sense? So that seed was planted, but it didn’t take root until I entered into a unhealthy relationship (seed watered) and because it was an emotionally abusive relationship (more water) and I was still trying to hang on because I didn’t want the man that I loved to leave (more water) the seed that once laid dormant took root and began to grow.
When was your seed planted? During childhood? (lack of love, affection or praise; a broken home or divorce; Adoption or perhaps abandonment.) Perhaps it was planted during adolescence (excessive discipline; mental, physical or sexual abuse; family poverty or controlling parents.) Seeds can be planted during adulthood (guilt over an unwanted pregnancy; financial disasters; abortion; isolation from family or the inability to communicate effectively.) Or perhaps the seed was planted during marriage (death of a spouse; Emotional or physical abuse; the inability to have children.)
In order for me to be free and I mean truly free, I had to forgive my ex-husband and to be honest, I didn’t want to. Hating him was easier than forgiving him (or so I thought) but the hate was eating me alive and I felt like I was losing my mind. I know it sounds cliche, but when you forgive; that is for you, not for the other person. I had to forgive without ever hearing “I’m sorry.” I had to, because there was a little girl I was raising and I didn’t want her to ever look back and say that I was bitter.
The next thing I had to do was let go of the fear of rejection. I also had to let go of pride, grief, sadness, anger, jealousy and abandonment. When I tell you I was a hot mess, I mean that with every fiber of my being.
I then asked the Lord to fill in the broken places of my heart because I felt a void and I didn’t want to fill that void with another unhealthy relationship or habits. I learned to let my hurt be other people’s healing.
Healing from rejection was a process and it wasn’t easy, but I had to cut rejection at the root.
I’m sorry he/she left you. I’m sorry they never apologized. I’m sorry you are doing this by yourself (whatever your “this” may be.) I’m sorry that you feel they are happier without you. I’m sorry that you were, or are struggling while they ride off into the sunset with no cares in the world. I’m sorry…but it’s time to let it go.
How do you let rejection go?
- Recognize and acknowledge that you are dealing with rejection
- Go to the individual that hurt you and ask them to forgive you for holding them hostage emotionally. If you are not able to speak to that person for various reasons, declare out loud that you have forgiven them (and name out loud how they hurt you)
- After you ask for forgiveness, declare out loud that you are free. It might seem crazy at first, but there is power in declaration and you and I both know that what you put out in the atmosphere has power. So, put freedom in the atmosphere! Do it again and again and again.
- Remind yourself about God’s loving design for your life
You are going to have walk this out daily and some days will be better than others, but as you grow you will begin to experience change.
Just remember that you are worth it. If they didn’t recognize that, then it’s their loss.
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Know that I love you!
From my heart to yours,