05 Mar My Dear Diary Moment
I did not feel like “Adulting” today. My subconscious knew this as well; the alarm went off at 6:30 a.m., I turned it off and sleepily said “five more minutes.” Five more minutes turned into 8:00 a.m.
I sent a text to my boss letting him know that I overslept because I didn’t feel like Adulting today. At this point in our professional relationship, he knows I’m crazy so he didn’t even bother to reply.
I continued laying in the bed trying to get my life together and stared at the ceiling wondering if I really needed a job…how long would I last without one? When I realized the answer was 24 hours, I moved on to the next random thought in my head, I really should have been a Princess.
I would fail at all of the etiquette rules and I would probably need a publicist to apologize for the things I say; but I would make an excellent Princess.
Once I got out of the bed, I looked in the mirror and saw two chin hairs that were not there last night. Those jokers were so long I could have braided them and tied a bow at the end. I mean seriously…where in the world do these chin hairs come from? They appear out of nowhere. I need answers.
Once I plucked and got showered, I threw on my bathrobe and stood in front of the closet trying to decide what to wear. Would anyone notice if I wore a wrinkled shirt to work? Would they notice if I wore the same sweater today that I wore on Monday (I mean, it was clean. I washed it Monday night.) Would anyone notice if I came to work in my pink onesie? Once I decided on blue pants and a cute, only slightly wrinkled shirt, I went hunting for trouser socks, aka knee hi’s.
Knee hi’s and I don’t get along and even though I tie them together before I wash them, one always seems to get lost in dryer abyss. I couldn’t find my other 6 sets of knee hi’s so I settle on wearing one knee hi and one ankle sock (I was wearing boots, so this justified me doing this. No one would see.) Why I didn’t just wear ankle socks on both of my feet, I don’t know. Chile, I was just trying to make it.
Once I got out of the door and in my car, I ended up driving behind Miss Bertha who was doing 15 mph in a 40 mph lane. No, I didn’t know her name, I have a habit of making up names for drivers who are really slow while I’m stuck behind them. So, I’m in the car yelling for Miss Bertha to drive because by now she’s got my Holy Spirit all out of whack.
Once I finally get to work, my knee hi is no longer knee hi, it is ankle low. I’m still worked up over Miss Bertha and I already feel like I worked an eight hour day, but it’s just 10:45 a.m.
Help me Jesus.
When I sat down in my office my boss comes by and says, “Good Morning Sleeping Beauty”
See Diary, I told you I should have been a Princess.