21 Feb Black Women Dating White Men
I have no problem with interracial dating or even marriage, I dated and married a white man and learned that my experiences with black men versus white men are vastly different. The difference wasn’t so much about race, but about the relationship being the right fit…in every aspect.
I’ve been hearing some of my black sisters say that they are tired of black men and are ready to date white men; I give this statement and others that are similar the side eye. The issue isn’t that all black men aren’t worthwhile. The issue is that some of these sisters are choosing the wrong black men (i.e. compatibility whether it’s financially, emotionally, physically, their family background, etc.) and rather than some of my black sisters recognizing their own misguided process of finding someone suitable, they decide to try out another race like they are trying on a new pair of shoes.
Before I go further, let me just say that I love LOVE. If you are most compatible with someone who happens to be white, then honey, be happy; because at the end of the day it’s really not about race. It’s about being with someone who is good to you and good for you.
If you decide to date outside of your race, please make sure you are doing so because it’s a genuine gravitation; not because you are tired of black men. If you are entering into something because you are tired of something else, you will still take your misguided, raggedy notions into the next relationship…whether that person is black or not. At that point, it’s not about race, it’s about you.
While I believe that love is love, there are several things that one must consider before dating outside of their race:
- Is history and the current racial divide that we are experiencing today an important factor for you? If so, is the person you are dating culturally and racially astute? Even though you and he may not agree on everything, can you honestly say that at the end of the day, you can trust him to be your safe place when it comes to understanding race relations and the everyday challenges people of color experience?
- Are you compatible? This includes religion, family values, raising children, finances, etc
- How does he view you as a Black Woman? How do you view him as a White Man? Is this genuine love and interest or a fetish/fantasy? (you’ve got to ask the tough questions!)
- Does his family accept you and vice versa? Will negative familial energy affect your relationship down the line?
- Will he allow you to be you—however you view this as and vice versa
It’s important that we are realistic when we start dating, whether we are dating within our race or outside of it. There are enough barriers that you have to climb when you date someone that looks like you. It’s another issue when the other person’s face is white. I have seen couples navigate the interracial waters successfully and it seems that it’s a bit easier for some couples than it is for others and there are several factors that contribute to this (that’s a different blog for a different day.) Just make sure that if you choose to date outside of your race that you are doing it because it’s a genuine interest, not because you are misguided and disillusioned.
Love is about trust, compatibility and gentleness. If you find that type of love, hold onto it and nurture it; no matter the color.
From my heart to yours,