ASK MAIA - Maia McGill
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Sometimes you just need really good advice or guidance about a situation from someone who has an impartial view, but will tell you like it is in love. This is the page to do so. Feel free to ask me any question and I will respond weekly, every Thursday evening. You can remain anonymous knowing this is a safe place. Take a peek at some of the questions folks have asked. I look forward to hearing from you!


From my heart to yours, 

Psst…If the question box is too small, just refresh your screen 🙂

If you provide an Email you will receive a message, once your Question is Answered.

What made you start this blog? 18. March 2016

I’m always thinking and I love to write. In addition, I have been through quite a bit in my life, so my hope is that someone (particularly women) will be encouraged and perhaps motivated in their life journey.

I am self conscience about my weight. I’m about 50 pounds overweight and I can’t find clothes that are trendy or sophisticated. What do I do? 17. March 2016

Ohh girlfriend! (you said sophisticated so I am thinking you are a woman?) I am the Queen of fluffy, you hear me? Maybe one day I will lose the weight, but until that time I will be fluffy and fabulous. Now listen, I want you to be healthy. I think exercise is important, eating right, etc. However, until you get to that point you still need to dress, etc. I am a witness…you can be big and still be fly…hey now! You have to learn your body and know the clothing that looks best on it. I carry most of my weight in my stomach area, so outfits that are separates work best for me. If you are not a person that believes in Spanx or controlled top pantyhose, please become a believer. They will save your life. The second step to being fluffy and fabulous is owning that your big…ain’t nothing wrong with owning it. This does two things, it helps you stop buying clothes that are two sizes too small and secondly, you will become more confident with your body size. When you carry extra weight you have to stay away from clothing that is made with too much material…meaning, if you wear a size 14/16 top, it should not fit you like it’s a size 22. I am not a fan of Lane Bryant because their clothing is not fit to size. However, Ashley Stewart’s clothing is fit to size and their clothing is trendy and sophisticated. If you are local to Rochester, they have an Ashley Stewart in Greece Ridge Mall or you can order online. Another place I like to shop is an online store called Chic and Curvy. This site is for women who are fluffy with curves and like to add a little vavavoom to their wardrobe. I will tell you, if you are a size 18, order a dress size up. Another great online store is Rebdolls. Trendy, nice stuff you can wear to work or out on the town. I order from them and love them. Also, I am a high heel fanatic. I have found that higher heels make you look longer. Hairstyles can also give the illusion that you are bigger than what you are too. Just because you are big doesn’t mean you can’t have short hair. I’m a prime example. Own it girl. Let me know how you make out.

I have done all the things that God has asked me to-I have abstained from sexual activity, I am ready financially. I believe that I would be a good mate to a husband. But I am still single. I trust that God has that person for me but sometimes I don’t see the benefits of my waiting this long (I am 41). If I am honest part of me wants to find someone to satisfy my ‘carnal desires.’ But I know that is not God’s best. Could you just give me some encouragement? 17. March 2016

Oh, my love! I hear you! I feel you and I am sooooo proud of you! So, a couple of things; I know how it is to yearn to be touched, loved and adored..those desires are normal and natural. What I can tell you is that wanting to find a “substitute”(which he will be because he won’t be the mate that God has designed for you) will be one of the worst mistakes of your life. I mean, what if you two aren’t compatible sexually and it was just plain awful? You’re looking crazy and now you have 15 minutes of your life you can’t get back (listen, if it was a full 15 minutes I would be surprised, but I digress.) Even if it was good, you are now leaving yourself open to desiring more of it and with that comes guilt and all sorts of emotional baggage and issues. One of those issues being that you will be out of order. Being out of order now means that you won’t be in a place (emotionally) for the husband that God has for you to see you as the woman God has for him. What he will see is a woman who is broken for whatever reason. Another thing to consider is that you want to be able to tell your husband that you waited for him and not have to explain to him what you were doing before he came along. You gotta think past the hot moment and remember your future perfect. I know it’s not an easy journey, but TRUST me when I tell you that God will bless you for your faithfulness and obedience. I have seen it. Continue to work on you, build your empire, surround yourself with folks that will hold you accountable and live life. Stop waiting. Live. Your time will come.  I truly, truly do admire you and I pray that you remain steadfast. You are worth so much more. Remember that. xoxo

I’m one of those types of people if i make friends with you I love you to pieces but i realize they dont love me the same way back and it hurts a lot because its something thats natural for me and i feel like i cant turn it off, so my question is how can love people like that without getting hurt and facing major disappointment? Should i love them less? 17. March 2016

Your feelings are hurt and that breaks my heart. It’s hard when you have a lot of love to give and are committed to being a good friend. A couple of things that you have to remember…friendships evolve as you grow older. I remember when I was in High School and College I would hang out with my friends consistently and we would talk on the phone at least 3 times a day. Each conversation would start out as if we hadn’t talked just an hour before. After graduating from College and dealing with “life”, timing and priorities changed. Friends that I would speak to constantly I would now catch up with every 3 months or so and guess what? That is okay. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t friends, it just means that you have to make sure you connect when it’s best for you both. Even now, I can go 3-4 months without communicating with the friends I connect with the most, but when we go out to dinner, we talk non-stop for hours. Another thing that we have to be careful of is not being too clingy or overbearing. What we perceive as being loving can be accepted by another person as being too much. They begin to feel overwhelmed and crowded. A check in text every once in a while is fine or perhaps a phone call or getting together every so often. Watch their interpersonal cues and learn how to respond appropriately. I would also encourage you to use your gifts and share your love with people who are missing it most. There are people in Nursing Homes, Hospice, etc who have no one that comes to visit them. I am sure that they would appreciate the love you have to give; that would be a different kind of friendship, but friendship nonetheless. The world needs more people like you.

One of my biggest fears; not being close to my daughter. I have seen many single mothers and their daughter despise each other, how have you and your daughter after 17 years kept such a close knit relationship? 11. March 2016

Fear keeps us from enjoying life and loving those you are with, so don’t entertain fear. As a Mom I was very adamant about allowing her to be her, meaning I wasn’t trying to make her be what I wanted her to be. She’s got her own personality, style and grace and I admire that. I also try to be very honest and try to not to freak out or lecture when she tells me something. Because of that, she feels comfortable talking to me. I also initiate questions that most parents won’t ask. Because I am so brazen with it, nothing shocks her too much anymore so I think that is why she is comfortable talking to me about things most parents would cringe at. It hasn’t been easy, I fail often but learn to apologize quickly and forgive sooner. I have done date nights since she was little…one day a week we do something of her choice (now that she’s older she let’s me choose..yay) and that is OUR night and we look forward to it. Just be there for her, let her be herself, answer questions honestly and spend time. You will be just fine!

I was in an off an on relationship witb this guy for a year. Now that we’re not together I miss him so much but know not being with him is the best. How do I get over him? 11. March 2016

Ugh. It’s an awful feeling, right? Well, if it was off and on, then that means someone in the relationship just couldn’t get it together, which could be a red flag. It’s hard when you have given your heart to someone and they are no longer with you like they used to be. And unfortunately, some of us can’t be friends with our ex…it’s too complicated, too many emotions then you start having flashbacks…good grief. So, I would say if you are still friends or communicating, stop. You need some time to heal. In addition, you may have to remind yourself about why it didn’t work out, the red flags, etc. You aren’t saying he’s a bad person, he’s just not the right person for you. Also, stop holding on to “what ifs.” What if’s don’t count…if it was supposed to be, it would have been. It’s time to move forward. Erase the text messages, stop calling/taking calls, stop entertaining what ifs, allow yourself time to heal and start moving forward. Hugs to you. You are going to be more than ok!

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