19 Jun Another Year And Still Single
Welp. Here you are…halfway through another year and you’re still single. #whyLord
I will be 43 this year and I’m ready to get married–not anxious, but ready; there is a difference. “Ready” means that you have already prepared to be his rib or help meet. “Anxious” means that (1) you haven’t embraced your singleness and (2) you allow loneliness to consume your world. These are just two signs that alert you to the fact that you may need to take some time and re-evaluate your singleness.
Why are you in such a rush? Are you still making the wrong choices when it comes to potential suitors? Have you worked on being great in your own world before you try to be great in someone else’s? What can you bring to the table?
While I desire to be married, I will be okay if it never happens…and I mean that with all of my heart. I’ve got dreams to fulfill and more goals to achieve, so if marriage never happens, I will continue to do me and do it well.
If you desire to be married, have you taken the time to get yourself ready for him? Your focus shouldn’t be on why he hasn’t come yet. Your focus should be on whether or not you’ll be ready when he comes. When my Mom was a guest on “Ask Maia!” Live a few weeks ago, one of the points she made was that if you are unable to enjoy life right now in your singleness nor have strong interpersonal relationships with friends/family in your life, then marriage will be difficult for you. If you can’t be happy with where you are right now in your state of singleness, then you will be depending on someone else to make you happy. This is not only dangerous in any relationship, but it’s unfair to the other individual. Your happiness should never be dependent on another individual. What are our relationships/friendships like with your family and friends? Are you able to communicate effectively? Do you hold grudges/unforgiveness? If you are not able to communicate effectively or are easily offended and unable to forgive; then honey, marriage will be rough for you.
I’ve taken time to get myself together and consequently, getting ready for him.
- I worked on my issues: I had to forgive some folks. I never received an “I’m sorry” but I knew that forgiving them was for me, not them. What issues are you sweeping under the rug that need to be addressed? Take this time to work on being the best version of yourself that you can be.
- Focused on raising my daughter: Gabby has been my number one priority for 18 years. It hasn’t been easy being a single parent, but I was one of the fortunate ones that had a village to help me raise her. My focus was making sure she had what she needed. Knowing that she was going to College, I worked on opening my heart and mind to the idea of loving someone else. It’s taken me 2 years to get here, but now I feel that it’s okay to love someone else as much as I love her. Only single parents who have poured everything into their kids would understand this statement.
- Began working on my own goals and dreams: Stop putting your goals and dreams on hold waiting for a man. Focus on those things that you want to achieve and make them happen! If anything, when he comes along your goals and dreams will complement one another.
- Worked on my finances: There’s never enough money when you’re a single parent and other factors can play a major role in your finances as well. As I continue to work on my goal of having 3 streams of income, I have been diligently working on my credit and it is the best it has been in years. Work on getting your finances and credit in order so that even if “he” never comes, you can still take care of yourself and build wealth.
- Focusing on my health: Since being diagnosed with an Autoimmune disease, it’s important that I eat right, exercise and rest. Not only will this help me feel better, but I will look better. I can’t expect him to have it together physically and I’m looking crazy! And, he doesn’t have to be perfect. But, can we at least go to the gym together? #pleasesir
- Enjoying Life: Live life and live it to the fullest. Stop waiting on a man to have fun. Travel, go back to school, look for your dream job, start a business…just live. Do you.
- Be approachable: I know many of us created a “list” of expectations. He had to look a certain way, dress a certain way, not have an accent, must have a beard, no kids. Honeyyyyy, I’m at the point in my life where I don’t care if he’s got a bald head, deep country accent and dark as night (which by the way, I find very sexy) my first few questions will be: Is he a GOOD man? Does he love God and obey him? Is he a faithful man? Can he take care of me like my Dad does? Does he love me AND my daughter? Does he have a JOB? Chile, some of that other stuff you can fix. A good suit and some cologne can make anyone look good. Or some timbs, jeans and hat. Whatchusay. Clearly, what you had on your list ain’t working for you. It’s time to consider those things that are most important. And Sis, if you see him looking, it’s okay to smile and bat your lashes. Be nice…you never know.
Just remember that there is a Season for everything and your time will come. In the meantime, #BEGREAT
From my heart to yours,